Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Do your momma thing. And I'll do mine.

Can I vent here? I am sick to death of people, other moms especially, wagging their fingers from atop their soap box! From breast feeding to cloth diapering, the CIO pros and cons, jarred baby food vs homemade. It’s enough to make my blood boil and my brain explode. ENOUGH!!

Ohhhh before I had children, I knew it all. My husband and I would give each other the look when we passed a parent with a child not wearing socks or having a melt down in the middle of the store and even said “not my child” over shrieks in a restaurant. We had it all figured out. Then. I wish I knew half the stuff I thought I did back then. And, ya know what? Even after I had my first (pregnancy) and child, I again thought I knew it all. Well, my second pregnancy and child came along to put me in my place.

My first pregnancy I was never sick. I had some nausea, especially if I didn’t eat regularly, but nothing too bad. In the later weeks I had sciatic nerve pain that I had to use my exercise ball to sit on for relief but other than that, I had a great pregnancy. I wasn’t moody. Really! I swear, you can ask my husband. I never complained. I had my first son and he was a “good” baby, or an easy baby, as my mom would say. I could put him in his swing while I made dinner and he cooed back at me. I could bring him and his bouncy seat into the bathroom while I showered and he batted his toys around. He never climbed up on anything and was content to chill out on the floor for a while if I had to do something. My second son, however, was the complete opposite from the beginning. I was soooooo sick with that pregnancy. I was super cranky- to the point where I’d hear myself and think (who the bleep was that?!). He rarely slept, lived in his Moby, I had to wait for Daddy to get home so I could shower, he walked much sooner than his brother and climbed on everything. EVERY. THING! I’m not complaining, at all. What I am trying to get at is they were different. Two babies from the same mommy and daddy and they were vastly different. The stuff I thought I knew from my first son was tossed out with the second.

So, mom, well meaning friend, complete stranger or [medical, educational]  “professional”, please don’t slam the mom or dad who is doing this parenting thing differently than you. If you cloth diaper, that is awesome- for you. Don’t beat me up, berate me or guilt me because I don’t. My baby’s diaper gets changed regularly, that should be the –only- concern you have. If you breast feed, super- for you. Don’t beat up the mom who formula feeds. Her baby gets fed, that should be the only concern you have. If your baby sleeps soundly and peacefully in their crib, fantastic- for you. Don’t make the co-sleeping parents feel like they making their babies sleep in barbed wire. The child is getting rest, that is the only thing you should worry about. If you make all your baby’s food, outstanding- for you. Don’t snarl at the mom who gives her baby jarred baby food as if she is feeding her ground up glass. The baby is getting fed. That is the important thing. If you give your baby bottles, don’t look down your nose at the mom breast feeding in public. The baby is receiving nourishment and comfort. That is what is important. If you are an advocate for baby wearing, if you use a stroller. If you circumcised your son or opted not to. Pierced your daughter’s ears. Banned all TV or own every Baby Einstein DVD. Vaccinate, use a delayed schedule or choose not to vaccinate. If you cook every meal from organic, non-processed whole foods, or Stouffers is your best friend. If you make your own laudry detergent or buy the scented Tide in the econo size. If you buy Ajax, Kaboom and Febreeze or use white vinegar, lemons and essential oil…..WHATEVER you do, you are taking care of your baby and that is what is important!!

This parenting thing is hard enough as it is. I can tell you, I second (third and forth) guess every little decision I make. I go to sleep worrying that I might not have given my child enough vegetables that day. I wake up with awesome plans to be the perfect mom. I’m gonna get the whole house clean, teach the kids Spanish, make a delicious meal from scratch, make toys out of cardboard boxes, bathe the kids and have them in bed by 8 so I can spend quality time with my husband. But then I open my eyes. My toddler is begging for the iPad, my preschooler wants chocolate milk, the dog didn’t make it outside and I forgot to turn on the dishwasher before bed, didn’t take the chicken out of the freezer and we are out of eggs. And by the end of the day, there will be laughing, screaming, giggling, messy faces, half empty plates, blanket forts, sandwiches cut into shapes and lots of love. This is the stuff that memories are made of. The stuff that bonds a child and mommy, certainly not whether or not he ate jarred carrots while sitting in a disposable diaper. Do your mommy thing. And I'll do mine. 

The views and opinions above are solely mine and mine alone.


  1. Very well said! These are also great reminders for myself as I tend to beat myself up over not doing more eco-friendly and natural things. I do have to remember that I am doing the best that I can and improving little by little.

  2. Thank You! It makes me see red when i see the pure venom, hate, judgement between moms over choices we make that are different! I can't tell you how much of this I've been on the receiving end of and how much guilt I've had because of a lot of it! Feeling like the worst mother for "poisoning" my boys with formula when I couldn't breastfeed, mutilating them and abusing them for circumcising, filling them with harmful chemicals by vaccinating....
    Healthy,happy babies is thw goal for every mom! How one chooses to accomplish that is up to them amd no-one should be made to feel like they're not a good mother because of their choices! It's the hardest job and we should be lifting each other up, not tear Each other down!

  3. I really could not agree more! We really need to support each other instead of breaking each other down.

  4. Very thoughtful reality checking rant, loved it!

  5. I really think the rise of social media has also brought more criticism from moms to other moms. Mothers need to realize that what is best for their children may not be the solution for other mother's children.